Resurrection: Insults

So I decided to bring another oldie back to the surface, and running through them all, it was hard to choose which one, then I read through this, and I realized that it's one that I should really read periodically. It's a great reminder, at least for me, that I need to control the way I view things, that I shouldn't allow myself to view situations through my cloud of human pessimism.

Insults

(September 17, 2007)

are exhausting.

I was stupid enough last night to really think about all of the insults I've been given by various people over the course of time and where those insults came from, and, quite frankly, it's quite depressing. Why do I do these things? I'm human.

I've realized that many of these things that I come up with, I walked right into. Some of them have been earned, some have not, many are a sampling of the insults I myself have used, and some are more than likely imagined.

I've also realized that, for the most part, they've become less and less: those that are close to me have developed a greater patience for my strange ways, and those that have not developed a greater tolerance and understanding, I've either separated myself from, or I'm kind of stuck with.

Excepting a precious few, each person that I recall these insults coming from has paid me many times the compliments and kind words [And I cannot recall one single person who has insulted me personally (excluding random people applying a label to me, thanks, stranger, ugh) who has not given me any kind of comment at some point or another]. It's a hard thing to be willing to recognize with all of these negative bits and pieces staring me in the face, but it is there.

Weak, uncaring, unworthy, stupid, fake, dishonest, not trustworthy, unreliable, overly dependent, shallow, and in the way...

But how many more times has it been strong, loving, brilliant, humble, honest, trusted, responsible, independent, deep, amazing, lovely and helpful?

I am going to make a greater effort to not insult those around me, and to think about how I might hurt or help someone with what I say before I say it, and I'm going to make a greater effort to avoid the true negativity, and register more of the positive things said and done.

As corny as that sounds. Whatever. Sometimes the corn is necessary in order to reach these conclusions.

Lean on me

When you're not strong

I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

Till I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on.

Added November, 2008

I do read over this every now and then, but not often in total seriousness, along with the comments friends left for me. Being in a new environment, I've not met a lot of people more than in passing, and I haven't really been paid very many insults, and sometimes I forget how difficult it once was. I don't know if I've been paying out a lot of insults myself, because I'm not as sorely aware of them, coming or going out, as I used to be. I dearly hope not.

My sister is in junior high this year, and looking back, that is when the nasty comments reached an unbearable peak, that I really took them to heart, and didn't know what to do about them. I was helpless.

Thankfully, she is much MUCH stronger than I was until late high school. I do worry, though, because I know how tough it is for one who isn't the top-ranking, 4.0, super popular girl in class. 

The idea of bullying is to single out one person, make him or her feel completely alone, then attacking the helpless person. Subtle insults can do that so much more than outright, violent actions. It's why girls are so much meaner than boys; we are really good at making snide remarks, and, to a point, this catty behavior is socially accepted in the female population.

Do what you can to support those around you, they may be hurting more than you think. You may make someone's day just by choosing a compliment as opposed to an insult.

The Fridge Resurrection

So I opened the blog window and realized that I really don't have anything I'm especially inspired to blog about... time to resurrect an old one? Sure...

OH! Let's pull up my favorite, shall we?

The Fridge (April 14, 2008)

Let us, for a moment, take a trip back. Back to early elementary school, and even before. The days in which high school was something of unimportance, college unheard of. Before rebellion was necessary; in fact, Mom and Dad still played with us, when they were the coolest and the most necessary to please. When having fun at school and treating the other kids nice meant you'd have a good grade. Back when each one of us was either going to be an artist or a firefighter when we grew up (except for those of you who were ridiculous children who had decided to be a radiology expert or something totally farfetched like that... and probably still intend to be), because those were by far the coolest occupations ever.

Yes, the days of the fridge.

A fridge. It's a pretty damn mundane appliance... it doesn't even spin or shoot water at things, and there is no flame or extreme heat involved. How boring is that?

Fridge (refrigerator): That which refrigerates or makes cold; that which keeps cool. Specifically: a box or room for keeping food or other articles cool, usually by means of ice.

[What the hell, Kath, what does a fridge have to do with childhood? Okay, sure, we ate food out of the fridge, but we still do that... and more often and in much greater quantities than we did then {UNLESS the one described happens to be my nephew, holy CRAP that kid can eat a lot!}]

TRUE, which is why this has nothing at all to do with the food inside!

And please don't leave because I got your hopes up about food and just dashed them to pieces.

I want to meet the guy who decided to make fridges out of a magnetic material in the afterlife sometime, and thank him personally. What happened when we drew an "amazing piece of art" or did well on an assignment, back in these precious days? Why, it was put between a magnet and the surface of the fridge, to be viewed and appreciated by anyone getting food from within. The more one had on the fridge, the more accomplished and successful, not that it really mattered, after the initial thrill of seeing it attached to the appliance. The fridge was an honor, something to be proud of.

The years have rolled by, making us a more worried people, making us a more hectic people. So much more is expected of us, without question, without prompting, without reassurance and without congratulation upon success. We go through the motions, do what we have to to get... some of us don't even know where, or to what purpose. We know and point out every minute flaw in our own work, studying the broken, the ruined, even if it's unimportant. We stop putting our accomplishments on the fridge, deeming it ridiculous, just an appliance to keep food cold. Precious for that power, yes, because god only knows how much teenagers appreciate their food, but nothing more than that.

Then we find something we enjoy, something we love, and we say, oh, I want so badly to do well with this hobby, this activity, this job. Do well? What does that mean? Do better than I did before? Well, I can sing much better than I did a year ago, but I still want to get better. I haven't reached a sense of true accomplishment, even when I have accomplished with my voice things that are remarkable. So often, I think we know what we love, we know what we do wrong with it, and we know in what areas we want to improve, what areas need work, but we don't know where we want to be, besides "better."

How many times, when you were a little artist with all of your works of art decorating the magnetized corner of the kitchen, was a piece truly flawless? Completely free of error, with no room for improvement due to perfection? That's right, they never were. There was always room to learn, to make it better. And yet, when a new work went up on that fridge, it was the coolest thing in the world. So why, my friends, do we not hang our work up on the fridge anymore? Why is my certificate of superior solo performance in an envelope in my room? Why to my pen sketches go in the trash? Why do I take my wirework apart in agner and try to piece it into something different if it isn't "sellable?" (I know why my report card isn't on the fridge... haha)

Why do so much that is worthy of praise, and yet we keep it to ourselves, saying it's not good enough, it's not the best, it's not perfect. Well, I hope it's not perfect, because then you can't learn more about it, can't have the joy of going one step further. But I also want to point out that maybe we do deserve praise for the steps that we do take, the small accomplishments.

And why use the fridge for it? What's wrong with a virtual fridge, the realization of success, accomplishment? What's your goal? at what point can you say, Wow, I'm amazing... and I like that, knowing you can even still learn more? Take a moment, recognize your name on the show program, the college acceptance letter, the certificate of accomplishment, invitation... anything towards that thing you love and want to "do well" in. Then set a goal, some amazing feat that you can work toward and be proud of. That, my friends, is a fridge.

What's your fridge?

And in November of '08, I want to add...

I believe it was shortly after realizing that my dream was to be in theater and that I wanted to be and could be successful as a theater major that I wrote this. As I wrote, it kept running through my mind that my fridge was a theater degree, my accomplishments to be posted on it the steps and shows along the way to my degree. I'm currently starting my journey toward that goal, taking care of prerequisites at community college. I'm not overly happy with where I am with it all, being in a community college instead of a four-year, and not in a position to be able to audition for shows, but I keep reminding myself that I'm still on my way. It's not an easy journey, but I am looking forward to posting on my fridge at the end of this quarter. I have goals in place, and it's going to be a crazy ride.

I have discussed it with a few of you, so I'll let it be known to all those who actually dare and care to journey out to my blog that I do intend to move far far away as soon as I achieve my transfer degree. The options are Chicago, New York and London, at the moment, but that may change. Where I end up ultimately depends on whether I can get into a school in the particular chosen city, and really, whichever suits my fancy. The truth is, the more I think about it, the more outside forces seem to be pointing toward London, which I find exciting. Who knows? I may just end up there in my strivings to cover my fridge.

I got a lot of mixed response when I posted this originally, a few responding with goals, some with fridges, and some simply with praise at some imagined depth I seem to have...

I'm interested, though, truly, what are your fridges? What are some of the accomplishments along the way that you get to post on them?

I also found out that I was partially wrong, a lot of my friends still post things on the fridge, so I'm also curious if you do, too? What kinds of things go on your fridge? Do you still take joy in it, or do you do it for lack of a better place to put things?

[ohhh man, going back through and reading it, this last bit is super corny, but I'm not going to take it out... you're welcome to stop now if you'd really like to]

We all deserve a sense of accomplishment after achievement, and too often we don't get it. Show yourself how amazing you are today, because the rest of us are in awe of you!

Yummy!

What a wonderfully drenching morning, no?

Okay, yes, I realize that I'm one of very few who truly love the heavy downpours almost constant in northwest Washington weather, but honestly, it's so beautiful.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table, and I've decided I really enjoy having a skylight in the kitchen. The natural light is incredible, and the sound of the drumming rain is indescribable... such a calm comfort in this fast-paced world. Every glance out the window shows me the brilliant red of the changed tree in front of the porch, and leaves every color of green, yellow and brown floating down through a screen of falling rain.

I was tempted to go to Larrabee state park as I drove home, and I may yet, but I'm honestly enjoying the fire I so successfully stoked up.

The last couple of weeks have been difficult, what with close relationships going sour, the election, overnight freezes, and so on. But this setting allows me to put all that aside, if just for a short period of time, to see the value and glory in all these smaller joys we've been given.

Ah, I'm off to make cookies for college care packages. Much love to you all, dears! As always, thank you for sharing your precious time.