Another Resurrection: A Simple Hug... or so You Say?

Ha, oh how life runs away when we aren't watching more carefully...

So I'm debating whether or not to resurrect an oldie but oh-so-goodie.

As it is just past midnight, and my creative spark has been applied to a Christmas gift all evening, I think I will, and by the time I get to the end, I may decide to add a few words of update, as I tend to do with these.

Meh, one of these days I'll write a new one, haha.

[posted 11 24 07]

A hug.

It can and cannot be so many things.

This is, of course, just scratching on the surface, so I do ask that, after reading this, you add your own finds in a comment, if there is anything you can think to add.

The easiest way to start a search for meaning such as this is through one of my personal favorite resources: dictionary.com. They define it as: a tight clasp with the arms; embrace. They also define it as: a tight or amorous embrace. The thesaurus relates it to affection, bear hug, bunny hug, caress, clasp, clinch, lock, squeeze, and tight grip.

Fascinating.

I have found a hug defined many ways definitely not listed here, though. Yes, yes, I understand that technically, that's all you really CAN define it [as], if you decide to be that downright literal with it. But I'm not, so here goes my more whimsical approach.

A hug is first and foremost an assurance of compassion for another human being. Always. I cannot thin of one time that it has not, even when one is forced to hug another, it is not to at least pretend to show some type of compassion?

It is a reminder that, "I'm still here, for whatever you need me for!"

Sometimes it's a reminder that, "I'll never leave you, even though I'm annoying the living hell out of you!" I'm sure we've all dealt with that one (or so) person who just won't go away.

Sometimes, and more often than not, for me, at least, it means, "I love you." Whether that is a compassionate love between only two people or a love toward a friend that you know life would be drastically different without.

It says, "I would go out of my way any day for you. Just say the word, and all my attention will be for you."

It means, "I forgive you."

In meeting, it means, "I've wanted to see you, and your presence makes life that much the sweeter!"

In parting, it means, "I'll miss you. I hope this lasts till the next time I'm able to hug you."

A hug very well could mean, "Damn, you are one hell of an attractive person!"

That, my friends, is all that my little pea-brain can come up with at the moment, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go figure out how a young blacksmith can save a kingdom from a bad advisor to a child-king for English.

[comments left:]

{Osa}

hmm me gusta. *abrazo*

teehee kath this made me smile especially the last one because I know that every time I hug you that's EXACTLY what's going on in MY head...

great blog and you are muy intelegente.

<3

{Brian}

I luv it kath

a hug is worth a thousand words

{at some point, Michael left a comment, and I have to pull it from memory, as it was deleted along with his account}

[Internet hugs! Which mean "I miss you and hope this lasts till I see you again!"]

No promises on the accuracy of that one, it's been a while. But it's the general gist, as I remember it.

[added December 11, 2008]

One: my writing skills need work.

Two: my spelling has improved since then, as has my grammar. Woot!

Three: Yes, I am super hot and intelligent, thanks deary! haha.

Four: ...

I find so much protection in hugs. I really do. It's such an expression of trust. Seriously. If there's no sense of trust at all, would you be hugging that person? The more sincere, the more trust there is. True story.

So it's definitely a comfort to be embraced by the arms of another, to know that I am trusted, and can trust.

Some of you know that trust has become something a bit more difficult for me to express in the last couple of months or so, but I am finding that my hugs are not without backing. I take deep happiness and hope out of that fact. Yeah, I've had some tough scrapes, but I'll be okay. Dammit, I'm simply grand! 

On top of that, because hugs are backed by feelings of trust and compassion, I think that the leaders of the world should use them. No, seriously! What is this handshake stuff? Peoples of the world used to be so much more familiar with each other. The traditions of kissing in greeting? The idea of someone new to the area automatically being a guest and being welcomed in? We're so freeking paranoid, and we have managed to push ourselves away from each other, even in our greetings. We've made it all the way out to a handshake. Wow, guys. Wow.

What would happen if we all decided to give hugs instead of get mad? Hm? I know a few people who don't really get along with me well certainly would much more than they do... What would happen if we each sought peace with each other person we meet? Would that not spread in a wave? It all comes down to the individual, and the example we set for the individuals around us.

Back to the leaders of the world, they, too, are setting an example. On top of that, they are the ones with the power to wage war, to deal with huge amounts of money, to command people. Why are they not being more personable. Oh yes, they give plenty of handshakes. Oooo handshakes.

What if they enter that conference room already having a greater sense of trust for one another? Okay, yes, there's a chance that the trusting get totally skrewed over. I'm living proof of that. But I know I have benefited from the trust and the compassion. Would a country likewise benefit from it? I do believe so.

No, I'm not a communist, I don't think all of the leaders of the world should merge and we should all live under one government, I like my capitalism and my privileges to create and own and earn for myself. But I do think life would be a lot better for so many people if our world leaders liked each other more, trusted each other more, helped each other out more.

Meh, just my super-early morning tidbits of thought. Not worth much, I know, haha.

Five: Hug definitions I haven't covered? I liked the internet one, personally...

Resurrection: Insults

So I decided to bring another oldie back to the surface, and running through them all, it was hard to choose which one, then I read through this, and I realized that it's one that I should really read periodically. It's a great reminder, at least for me, that I need to control the way I view things, that I shouldn't allow myself to view situations through my cloud of human pessimism.

Insults

(September 17, 2007)

are exhausting.

I was stupid enough last night to really think about all of the insults I've been given by various people over the course of time and where those insults came from, and, quite frankly, it's quite depressing. Why do I do these things? I'm human.

I've realized that many of these things that I come up with, I walked right into. Some of them have been earned, some have not, many are a sampling of the insults I myself have used, and some are more than likely imagined.

I've also realized that, for the most part, they've become less and less: those that are close to me have developed a greater patience for my strange ways, and those that have not developed a greater tolerance and understanding, I've either separated myself from, or I'm kind of stuck with.

Excepting a precious few, each person that I recall these insults coming from has paid me many times the compliments and kind words [And I cannot recall one single person who has insulted me personally (excluding random people applying a label to me, thanks, stranger, ugh) who has not given me any kind of comment at some point or another]. It's a hard thing to be willing to recognize with all of these negative bits and pieces staring me in the face, but it is there.

Weak, uncaring, unworthy, stupid, fake, dishonest, not trustworthy, unreliable, overly dependent, shallow, and in the way...

But how many more times has it been strong, loving, brilliant, humble, honest, trusted, responsible, independent, deep, amazing, lovely and helpful?

I am going to make a greater effort to not insult those around me, and to think about how I might hurt or help someone with what I say before I say it, and I'm going to make a greater effort to avoid the true negativity, and register more of the positive things said and done.

As corny as that sounds. Whatever. Sometimes the corn is necessary in order to reach these conclusions.

Lean on me

When you're not strong

I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

Till I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on.

Added November, 2008

I do read over this every now and then, but not often in total seriousness, along with the comments friends left for me. Being in a new environment, I've not met a lot of people more than in passing, and I haven't really been paid very many insults, and sometimes I forget how difficult it once was. I don't know if I've been paying out a lot of insults myself, because I'm not as sorely aware of them, coming or going out, as I used to be. I dearly hope not.

My sister is in junior high this year, and looking back, that is when the nasty comments reached an unbearable peak, that I really took them to heart, and didn't know what to do about them. I was helpless.

Thankfully, she is much MUCH stronger than I was until late high school. I do worry, though, because I know how tough it is for one who isn't the top-ranking, 4.0, super popular girl in class. 

The idea of bullying is to single out one person, make him or her feel completely alone, then attacking the helpless person. Subtle insults can do that so much more than outright, violent actions. It's why girls are so much meaner than boys; we are really good at making snide remarks, and, to a point, this catty behavior is socially accepted in the female population.

Do what you can to support those around you, they may be hurting more than you think. You may make someone's day just by choosing a compliment as opposed to an insult.

The Fridge Resurrection

So I opened the blog window and realized that I really don't have anything I'm especially inspired to blog about... time to resurrect an old one? Sure...

OH! Let's pull up my favorite, shall we?

The Fridge (April 14, 2008)

Let us, for a moment, take a trip back. Back to early elementary school, and even before. The days in which high school was something of unimportance, college unheard of. Before rebellion was necessary; in fact, Mom and Dad still played with us, when they were the coolest and the most necessary to please. When having fun at school and treating the other kids nice meant you'd have a good grade. Back when each one of us was either going to be an artist or a firefighter when we grew up (except for those of you who were ridiculous children who had decided to be a radiology expert or something totally farfetched like that... and probably still intend to be), because those were by far the coolest occupations ever.

Yes, the days of the fridge.

A fridge. It's a pretty damn mundane appliance... it doesn't even spin or shoot water at things, and there is no flame or extreme heat involved. How boring is that?

Fridge (refrigerator): That which refrigerates or makes cold; that which keeps cool. Specifically: a box or room for keeping food or other articles cool, usually by means of ice.

[What the hell, Kath, what does a fridge have to do with childhood? Okay, sure, we ate food out of the fridge, but we still do that... and more often and in much greater quantities than we did then {UNLESS the one described happens to be my nephew, holy CRAP that kid can eat a lot!}]

TRUE, which is why this has nothing at all to do with the food inside!

And please don't leave because I got your hopes up about food and just dashed them to pieces.

I want to meet the guy who decided to make fridges out of a magnetic material in the afterlife sometime, and thank him personally. What happened when we drew an "amazing piece of art" or did well on an assignment, back in these precious days? Why, it was put between a magnet and the surface of the fridge, to be viewed and appreciated by anyone getting food from within. The more one had on the fridge, the more accomplished and successful, not that it really mattered, after the initial thrill of seeing it attached to the appliance. The fridge was an honor, something to be proud of.

The years have rolled by, making us a more worried people, making us a more hectic people. So much more is expected of us, without question, without prompting, without reassurance and without congratulation upon success. We go through the motions, do what we have to to get... some of us don't even know where, or to what purpose. We know and point out every minute flaw in our own work, studying the broken, the ruined, even if it's unimportant. We stop putting our accomplishments on the fridge, deeming it ridiculous, just an appliance to keep food cold. Precious for that power, yes, because god only knows how much teenagers appreciate their food, but nothing more than that.

Then we find something we enjoy, something we love, and we say, oh, I want so badly to do well with this hobby, this activity, this job. Do well? What does that mean? Do better than I did before? Well, I can sing much better than I did a year ago, but I still want to get better. I haven't reached a sense of true accomplishment, even when I have accomplished with my voice things that are remarkable. So often, I think we know what we love, we know what we do wrong with it, and we know in what areas we want to improve, what areas need work, but we don't know where we want to be, besides "better."

How many times, when you were a little artist with all of your works of art decorating the magnetized corner of the kitchen, was a piece truly flawless? Completely free of error, with no room for improvement due to perfection? That's right, they never were. There was always room to learn, to make it better. And yet, when a new work went up on that fridge, it was the coolest thing in the world. So why, my friends, do we not hang our work up on the fridge anymore? Why is my certificate of superior solo performance in an envelope in my room? Why to my pen sketches go in the trash? Why do I take my wirework apart in agner and try to piece it into something different if it isn't "sellable?" (I know why my report card isn't on the fridge... haha)

Why do so much that is worthy of praise, and yet we keep it to ourselves, saying it's not good enough, it's not the best, it's not perfect. Well, I hope it's not perfect, because then you can't learn more about it, can't have the joy of going one step further. But I also want to point out that maybe we do deserve praise for the steps that we do take, the small accomplishments.

And why use the fridge for it? What's wrong with a virtual fridge, the realization of success, accomplishment? What's your goal? at what point can you say, Wow, I'm amazing... and I like that, knowing you can even still learn more? Take a moment, recognize your name on the show program, the college acceptance letter, the certificate of accomplishment, invitation... anything towards that thing you love and want to "do well" in. Then set a goal, some amazing feat that you can work toward and be proud of. That, my friends, is a fridge.

What's your fridge?

And in November of '08, I want to add...

I believe it was shortly after realizing that my dream was to be in theater and that I wanted to be and could be successful as a theater major that I wrote this. As I wrote, it kept running through my mind that my fridge was a theater degree, my accomplishments to be posted on it the steps and shows along the way to my degree. I'm currently starting my journey toward that goal, taking care of prerequisites at community college. I'm not overly happy with where I am with it all, being in a community college instead of a four-year, and not in a position to be able to audition for shows, but I keep reminding myself that I'm still on my way. It's not an easy journey, but I am looking forward to posting on my fridge at the end of this quarter. I have goals in place, and it's going to be a crazy ride.

I have discussed it with a few of you, so I'll let it be known to all those who actually dare and care to journey out to my blog that I do intend to move far far away as soon as I achieve my transfer degree. The options are Chicago, New York and London, at the moment, but that may change. Where I end up ultimately depends on whether I can get into a school in the particular chosen city, and really, whichever suits my fancy. The truth is, the more I think about it, the more outside forces seem to be pointing toward London, which I find exciting. Who knows? I may just end up there in my strivings to cover my fridge.

I got a lot of mixed response when I posted this originally, a few responding with goals, some with fridges, and some simply with praise at some imagined depth I seem to have...

I'm interested, though, truly, what are your fridges? What are some of the accomplishments along the way that you get to post on them?

I also found out that I was partially wrong, a lot of my friends still post things on the fridge, so I'm also curious if you do, too? What kinds of things go on your fridge? Do you still take joy in it, or do you do it for lack of a better place to put things?

[ohhh man, going back through and reading it, this last bit is super corny, but I'm not going to take it out... you're welcome to stop now if you'd really like to]

We all deserve a sense of accomplishment after achievement, and too often we don't get it. Show yourself how amazing you are today, because the rest of us are in awe of you!

Yummy!

What a wonderfully drenching morning, no?

Okay, yes, I realize that I'm one of very few who truly love the heavy downpours almost constant in northwest Washington weather, but honestly, it's so beautiful.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table, and I've decided I really enjoy having a skylight in the kitchen. The natural light is incredible, and the sound of the drumming rain is indescribable... such a calm comfort in this fast-paced world. Every glance out the window shows me the brilliant red of the changed tree in front of the porch, and leaves every color of green, yellow and brown floating down through a screen of falling rain.

I was tempted to go to Larrabee state park as I drove home, and I may yet, but I'm honestly enjoying the fire I so successfully stoked up.

The last couple of weeks have been difficult, what with close relationships going sour, the election, overnight freezes, and so on. But this setting allows me to put all that aside, if just for a short period of time, to see the value and glory in all these smaller joys we've been given.

Ah, I'm off to make cookies for college care packages. Much love to you all, dears! As always, thank you for sharing your precious time.

Woot! How amazing is that?

Good morning, would you like a side of failure with your pancakes?

As human beings, we look, always, for progress, progress, progress. Some way to make things better, some indication that things will be easier, that we know more. Even in our personal lives, we want to see that life is better, easier than before.

But throughout history, all we see is loop after loop of the same kinds of human patterns, the same general actions, the same mistakes, the same attempts at fixing them, the same failures and successes, and again, we repeat ourselves.

Unfortunately, it happens so much in our lives individually, as well.

How many times have I forgotten to bring my contacts case with me on trips I have the potential to fall asleep during? Every time, I swear, I'll never have to wake up to dry contacts again. And yet, I still only remember it occasionally.

How many times do we misplace keys, wash chapstick, tie impossible knots in our shoes?

How many times do we make the same social mistakes, alienating acquaintances, making enemies of friends, botching attempts at asking for more than friendship, ruining situations that were previously fantastic, with no chance of reconciliation?

Are we doomed to continue these awful habits, fated to walk the same paths over and over? It's insanity!

And beyond that, how many times do things beyond our own control follow the same patterns? It's a scary thing to contemplate, that maybe our lives continue in an uncontrollable circle, that we will face the same situations again and again, and that we will make the same choices again and again, make the same success or the same mistake, always haunted by the one series of events, marred only by different people, different settings, perhaps different details, but still a general idea that has happened before.

Are we, as weak mortals, capable of making a different decision? are we capable of finding success where we've failed before? It has happened before! It is not impossible!

So will I, in the face of a situation I have faced more than once before, make the same mistakes, and yet again lose something I cherish and hold so very dear? I can only pray and hope to know how to do what I have never done before, and to succeed where I already seem to be failing again.

Those of you who do so, I could use your prayer.

Peace and tranquility... (October 6)

I couldn't be happier that it's fall. Every summer I find myself missing the rain, and I never realize just how much I've missed it until we get a good, solid downpour that I can sit back and appreciate. Said downpour always gives me a feeling of being washed out and refreshed, mind and spirit. It offers to me a calm from the storm of pressing circumstances, monetary issues and whatever else may haunt me, making me weary and irritable. And then my mind is left open to wander, with music, words and image.

Yes, thus the blogging!

So I've been letting my mind wader, and I just want to share a few of those wanderings, because I feel there are a few things we forget in the rush of day-to-day life. I would really love to see this one turn into a progressive blog, so please, make this a group effort, and add your observations and memories to the blog after you've read... as many as you want. As many as you feel appropriate.

I know a few of you hike, but I know all of you have shared some kind of experience like this... and if you haven't, I highly suggest you go for a walk and don't be afraid to open your eyes and take your time. There's nothing quite like coming to the top of a hill, a ridge, or even happening upon some clearing that is unexpected, and suddenly being taken aback by the pure and sudden beauty. Beauty is everywhere in this world, but to happen upon it suddenly, to see a stretch of space within which Mother Nature has carefully tended each and every plant, rock, hill and mountain as if just to take your breath away. There's one view in particular that, every time I go this way on a clear day, makes me want to pull over and just soak in the view. Driving east on Smith Road, there's a certain very tall hill, and for some reason, I cannot think of the nearest crossroad at the moment. This hill has a definite crest, at the top of which, on a clear day, gives the most spectacular, indescribable view of Mount Baker. If you haven't seen it, go, don't just take my work on it.

I've always found it fascinating that a sunflower actually follows the path of the sun throughout the day. I got to thinking about that, much like I do overanalize when I'm in these types of moods, and I wondered, don't we, as humans, do that as well? Not with the sun, obviously, since we are not a blind race (well, some of you are lucky not to be blind, the rest of us have to make do with lenses of some kind), but we do follow something, sometimes to the extent that we, too, turn our face to follow it physically. If we are sunflowers, in a sense, what is each individual's sun? I know mine...

Alas, but I have worked on this too long, the rain has let up, and I'm starting to feel the press of the world again. Should you so be inspired, please, add to it, like I said, I wish this one to be a bit of a living post.

As always, thank you for your precious time.

(Monday, October 6)

[might as well take advantage of this time and lethargy, but need to accomplish something by reposting small bits from elsewhere!]

Read if you dare, the musings of an ill and dehydrated mind.

That's right, I've been sick for a good day and a half now. Woo! Pretty good start for the first content post, no?

Anyway, there are a few things I've noticed lately that either really are terrible or are really spectacular. Wow. I really hope I never write like this again, it's terrible... but I'm really bored, so here 'goes!

Spectacular: German teachers who cancel class the day of the first test... ironically enough, the day sick officially hits me and I spend my two hour break sleeping instead of finishing that German homework...

Terrible: stupid ladies on eBay who sell you a calculator then pretend they didn't, sell it to someone else, then apologize three weeks later and send a refund. But still without a calculator. Damn you, Robbie, for needing my calculator more than I do...

Damn you math-oriented mind for being able to handle most of the math average kids use a calculator for single... brain cell-edly??

Spectacular: Chocolate milk!!

Terrible: Want food. No food easily accessable enough to satisfy my dizzy-headed needs. Make pizza. Return to room. Promptly forget both pizza and hunger itself. Phone call. We have pudding. I want pudding. I'm hungry. PIZZA! CRAP! Pizza charcoal. Hungry. No food easily accessable. Not trying to cook anything again. Damn. Chocolate milk?

Spectacular: Someone decided to be really smart while she could still walk straight and attach her computer speakers to her bed, and has had a wonderful sound system the entire time she's been....

...Oops, sorry, fell asleep for a minute there... where was I?

Terrible: mysterious heavy clonking footsteps on the roof over my room. Ringing headache.

Wonderful sound system probably isn't helping that one much... heh...

Spectacular: Leave room to make pizza. WOOD STOVE IN LIVING ROOM wtf? Where's that come from? Neato...

Explains the mysterious clomping across the roof...

Hilarious: how much more frequently I swear when I'm sick... maybe that's only funny because I'm sick.... but quite frankly, I find it hilarious. Thus, Hilarious. Yes. Moving on.

Terrible: Pulled out five movies yesterday afternoon. Watched two. Of the remaining, one wasn't in the box, and two are deciding not to work. Curse you, oh small movie collection. Which seems a little weird; before we moved, I could have sworn we had better DVD's... ooooh Robbie's been raiding them, hasn't she...? ohhhhh....

Sudden, Very Strange Realization: I don't want to read...???!! Um... watch out, the end of the world may be fast approaching.

Terrible: No amount of water seems to be solving this stupid problem with being sick and dehydrated and all that. Maybe it's just sick, with symptoms very very closely resembling that of dehydration...?

.

I haven't put Norah Jones on this thing yet. Weird. Which means I don't know where that cd is. Crap.

Okay, kids, I'm bored out of my mind, craving entertainment, craving company, and craving that oh-so-terrible-but-so-addictively-good mac'n'cheese they serve at Haggen's... I know I know, it's really the only thing from the deli that I'll eat anymore, after working there, which is weird in itself. Or is it? Um. Yes, it is. 

Oh yeah, the point! CALL ME PLEEEEASE! landline, if at all possible? Dad's house... Cell phone is just weird and more painful than normal phone.

yeah.

please?

I will beg... if I have to... maybe...

Messenger works too...

Intro time!

Good evening, morning, afternoon, and general greetings to all who have made your way here! If you were looking for it and happened to find it, I offer you my sincere congratulations; somehow I managed to work with technology enough to post it and to make it available to others, and it was a link that could be followed, even though it's more likely that you had to search (quite) a bit for it, thus the congrats. We all know how great a relationship I manage to sustain with these ridiculous machines we call computers!

I used to do my blogging rather sporadically on myspace (woot, I'm such a nerd!), and I enjoyed doing so. A few friends left the site for facebook, and one related that "the thing I miss most are your blogs". Well, here you go, hon, no more myspace blogging, because it decided to be a little too difficult to use last time I attempted it!

So yes, after all of this rambling, future ramblings have a permanent home now, as will a select few from what I've done in the past. Maybe I'll keep this one up regularly...

Doubt it, but one can always try, no?

As always, thanks for your time, all!