Promises and Such

Yet again I find myself with so much on my mind that I feel needs to be pondered in writing, and no idea how to start.

I am much more delicate and easily swayed than I would have any believe, if I could help it.

So very, very delicate.

I've made a promise to myself. Those of you who see me often may have noticed a silver bracelet I've been wearing for the last month or so- it's a reminder, of sorts. An icon of my promise.

The promise itself is hard to explain. I feel that I need to prove myself, that I can support myself physically, emotionally, financially, and so on.

I have to prove it to myself that I can.

I am petrified that I'm going to fail.

Lately, life has really been a spectacular roller coaster, flying from self-assured confidence that I'll succeed without a problem to the depths of my low self-esteem, sure that I can't make it without someone to hold my little hand along the way and show me what to do.

I've failed so much in the past, often only barely making it through situations on top. I thought I was going to be able to change that this year, getting a new start through college attendance, but I was wrong, for the most part. Wrong, so many times.

I want to be strong for myself.

I don't know how.